‘The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.’ ~ Carl Jung 

Are you someone who follows after your parents footsteps?  Perhaps you hate one of the two due to a divorce. Maybe your hatred tipped a boiling point where you would say “I will never be a dad/mom just like you!!”. It could be that you despise them both, or love them ofcourse. Maybe you never knew one of them, or perhaps you’ve been adopted.

Despite your situation some of the stories operate without our knowledge, dictated by scripts handed to us by others when we were young. We can carry around our parents expectations or suffer their criticisms, whether good or bad.

Where they have unfulfilled wishes and regrets, these are commonly passed to us as a template for storytelling. Many of these templates make it hard for us to feel happy: ‘You must achieve impressive things to be happy/loved.’Or, ‘You must sacrifice your own happiness to make others feel better: that is the measure of your worth.’ Not only parents, but it’s also similar to our peers, classmates and teachers, on tv or the in newspaper.

Our cup has already been filled for us, without our knowledge. Our predecessors started the pouring, a consumption of stories that society brought further into us. Giving you pointers to what is right or wrong, good or bad etc.

‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’ ~ Shakespeare

This in turn leaves us living a happy storytelling dream-state reality, where only a few would independently question: What is real? Who am I? Wonder desperately,  question everything “is it true?,”

’empty your cup.’

Out There and In Here are two very different kingdoms, and other people are not accountable for how we feel. No one, however their behave, has the right or the direct means to affect your self-control or dignity. No one need annoy us so much that we in turn become a source of annoyance to others.

————————————————————————–

How would you have lived your life differently if you had never tried to please your parents? If you never tried to show your parents that you were worthy? If you never felt burdened by one of your parents critical eye?

Do at least one activity a day, for a couple of days,  that you have been avoided or suppressed because of the influence of your parents, society or whatever. In this way practice being free of their subtle expectations, which may now reside within your own self-judgement. Practice being free in this way even if you still feel fearful, limited, unworthy, or burdened by those expectations.

‘What upsets people is not the things themselves but their judgments about these things.’ Epictetus, a Roman slave. 

Cheerios,

Stephan

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56 thoughts on “Live as if your parents were dead

    1. That’s wonderful!

      Ya know, my parents were heavily overprotective out of caring which made me feel anxious going on the street at night when I was a teenager. I have a friend whose parents are completely the opposite and let him do as he pleases, so he learns from his own mistakes via trial and error, which made him reckless.

      Nothing wrong with both my parents and his ones. I am not even a parent myself so I don’t honestly know the parenting experience. But we all know what it was like when we where young and how strongly rooted it influenced our life.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Discipline with love, respect, and logic. No parent in the world is offered a parenting guide lol

        It’s all psychological choices. I grew up without parents at times homeless and at times bouncing from house to house. I was abused in every way you can think of…. Yet, forgiveness, happiness, and respect for all life forms is a choice.. . However, most are stubborn to the idea that because they had a bad childhood they then, chose to keep in mind that they have psychological problems, grow up to be abusive, and vigorously break every law…. The excuse…..”I had a bad childhood.”

        There is a HUGE difference between mental and psychological problems.

        Yours truly, Ms Lovey

        Liked by 1 person

      2. On the surface people are all wearing masks, but you can never tell what they represent from the inside. Yours, mine and others early experiences should be accepted for what they were. The past wont change, and constantly suppressing those worries is your own choice of suffering. We are a choosing mechanism. Learned helplessness is a thing caused by traumatic events, just like you said, people excuse themself with “I had a bad childhood.” sticking into this victim mentality. It’s mind over matter. You and I are already perfect, that never changes.
        Love ya, Stephan

        Liked by 1 person

  1. So true but most of us realize this so late , you end up believing that you were brought into this world for the sake of other people and your happiness is never fulfilled without seeing a smile in their face. it is a hard trance to wake up from

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I may be 25 and feel like it’s been so late. Before all that I didn’t had the guts to think outside all of that. You and I can only move forward with what we got right now and make it our best possible future, by our own choices, to leave no regrets behind.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I did a bereavement and loss course a year back and through that learned that people who have taken on expectations from their parents still find it diffucult to free themselves after the parents are dead. They are still controlled by them in this sense. Better sooner than later then, to tackle this. (Excellent post)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ok…have anybody asked you….. Is that you with that lion? AND OMG!!! IS THAT LION FREAKEN REAL!!!!???? I GOTTA KNOW!!!! I GOTTA!!!!! 😵😵😵😱😱😱😱

    PS. if it isn’t …. Just lie! Say it is…. Lol that looks so cool man!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not physically taken, my heart was taken by a very sweet man that I pushed away with my silly actions. He was a true gentleman all the way around. So currently I just entered a healing process. How bout you? How are the ladies treating you?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. And now you’re talking to a guy from a different planet, young body and the mind of an ancient who loves ya 😉 Call me maybe.

        My heart isn’t taken yet, I experienced true love, not the bullsh*it ones, with a woman which had an amazing wow-factor. But due to circumstances remained difficult to keep it going sadly. Nowadays I am not taken. Roaming the earth like a free bird. I didn’t start blogging that long ago, it’s been 2 months now. Sharing my shizzle with others, for nothing and free, feels good! I always say if I can make one single person’s life a tit better, (he said tit!? omg!) then that’s already good for me. it keeps growing more and more lol. I don’t even have a freaking license finished an university, I am human, simply myself. Just like you do you’re sharing Eva. That connects way more to people than a nerdy happiness talk. All starts with acceptance of what you are.

        Like

  4. I swore to myself, after I had my first child, I would not be like my parents, and I wasn’t. My mother wasn’t unkind, just constantly busy and distracted. She didn’t have much time for me or my older sister. My brother was ill and most times she had to work to help pay the doctor bills.

    As for trying to please my parents, yes, I still try to do that with everyone, mainly through humor. My father was so volatile, it was frightening to make a mistake or say the wrong thing. I grew up afraid of everyone on the planet. Lol I’m still like that, even after years of therapy. But what I did learn in therapy, and with God, was how to be happy and not listen to the voices inside that told me I was worthless. I feel valuable now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you came to terms with your inner voice. It’s always the biggest enemy, your own ego. Also feel instead of thinking about your self worth, cause it’s the feeling that’s causing the thoughts. Thinking creates more thinking but that doesn’t get you anywhere. Feel where it’s tensed in the body should it occur again. Breath deeply into it. Let it pass on, let it go.

      Liked by 1 person

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